We’ve been dating for almost 8 Months now he usually greets me Happy Monthsary every 11th of every month. Well it only started last last month. I had no clue what’s going on his mind. His so unpredictable and so mysterious as one of my close buds always tells me. Today is September 11, 2012 and he hasn’t send my any text or call since I woke up. I don’t know what his up to or plan is but it’s kinda frustrating.
Good thing Auntie Nilds is craving for Japanese Food. =)
Accenture exam for tomorrow was canceled to bad I don’t have any reasons not to go to work tomorrow. Few more days before my internship ends, though I’m not pretty excited about it cause I won’t be staying in Manila after that, unless I get a job. Had thought of creating a video blog, I had actually taped some already. Kept them for myself as of now. I was about to enter the land of dreams when I felt that it was freezing cold and been having a hard time breathing. Need to take some rest now, will start work at 9 o’clock this morning.
So stressed out this past few days, been traveling back and fort from Manila to Pampanga. I lost a lot of weight in just a couple of weeks. Internship had been extended cause of my absences because of school activities. Last week was a disaster because I almost fail my Elective2 subject. 1 hour of total silence was driving me crazy because I had no damn idea what to write on my paper. I was totally devastated I haven’t brought any of my hand outs for it was an open note exam. Thank God my professor was kind enough to interfere and told us that pseudo codes will be considered if we really don’t have any idea how to code it in Java. (How I wish I won’t fail that subject). The following day was my Elective3 finals, woke up really early but still I was late for class. Well, I’m not the only one who wasn’t able to come in class early. Luckily my professor decided to have 2 batches for the final exam. I was sick the whole week, been throwing up cause of stress and acidity but still manage to be at work and school. I really can’t say that there is a weekend for me. We had to rehearse our dance number for college night after our Saturday class and have to tape our video discussion for our Java Project. This week will be the same as last week, though I’m still thinking if I’ll be going home this Tuesday night or Wednesday morning. Top 20 students will be taking the exam for Accenture on Wednesday morning and I didn’t expect that I was part of it. Thursday will be our New York High Street Party for the year 2011. Most of the seniors will be performing that day that includes me. I haven’t updated my Facebook account for some time now cause of the busy schedule we had. I really don’t know what got into me but I seldom use my mobile phone either. It was a busy week for all of us seniors cause will be graduating by next month. Hopefully all of us will graduate.
It made my heart melt when I saw this kid last Friday on my way home. The kid wasn’t normal for he is a special child. It made me shed some tears when he was trying to communicate with me. At that very moment, i felt that i was someone special. A stranger that he considered a good friend. He never kept his eyes off me and won’t stop smiling. It was such a great feeling to see someone who’s happy even when his living a cruel world.
He is so lucky, because he can’t see how cruel the world is or how other people would actually react when they see him. I am pretty close to these kind of people. I actually told a friend of mine that maybe I AM A SPECIAL CHILD. Some people might not understand how i feel towards these kind of people. I envy them a lot, cause even if they are being mock or hurt but still they kept a smile in their face let people see how happy they are.
I bet people are wondering why I haven’t been updating my Facebook account or even texting people from my contacts. A month ago, I left my addictions and started reflecting on all the things I’ve done. I know what you’re thinking, is Krizzia a drug addict? No I am not, my addictions are different. I’ve been addicted to Facebook, text messaging and not sleeping early. I felt that I wasn’t myself anymore. I spent most of my time in front of my desktop computer. I wasted so much time doing nothing in my life.
As I’ve said, I left my addictions and tried to find myself again. I turned to God and prayed for my healing but it turned out the other way around. I wasn’t healed instead he gave me a lot of treasures. Do you want to know treasures He gave me? Challenges, dilemma, pain and sadness in life that came knocking on my door. Why I call them treasures you ask? Because these me realize that I’m not weak nor would who someone dwell with such treasures.
I kept myself busy writing thing like this, I even started writing prayers on my notes and kept them to myself. The feeling of emptiness had been haunting me but every time I express myself through writing this feeling would just be like a sting of a bee.
I am still on the process of healing. I can’t say that someday I’ll be healed. No one knows when the healing would end. Our life is full of ups and downs and that is why healing is a lifetime process. Don’t hate, don’t curse nor blame, just be thankful for the treasures that came.
Do you still remember the time when you told yourself that you wanted to have a happily ever after? I do, back when I was young and was so into fairy tales. I’ve actually realize that there is no such thing like happily ever after cause our lives ain’t a fairytale. I used to believe that one day my prince will come and marry me. I grew tired and old believing that one day someone will make me his queen.
We have to live in reality and face all our nightmares. Life isn’t a fairytale that is full of happiness. It is the other way around. We get hurt, we fall, we feel pain and eventually this will make us grow and stand on our own feet. It also made me trust God more.
We make mistakes in our life and karma comes to hit us back. We often think that God had planned all our sufferings in life but the truth is we made a choice. God also gave us the choice to choose to be happy.
It was the usual Saturday afternoon when I go home from school. The whole afternoon was so ordinary and all I did was to read a Bo Sanchez book again. So as night falls, my mom and I were craving for ice cream. Dad got home early from his work in Manila and we borrowed the keys to buy ice cream. We then went to Ministop but when we got there we decided to buy some few bottles of Tanduay ice. My mom and I planned it but still manage to buy an ice cream. When we got home I declared that it’s drinking drink. It was one of the happiest nights I had in my life. We had a lot stories, jokes, laughter and even tears.
I LOVE THEM JUST THE WAY THERE ARE
THE FAMILY THAT DRINKS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER. =)
I got home at 9 in the evening from Manila last night. While i was eating “taba ng talangka” and “hamonadong longanisa” for dinner. I was pretty excited to blog what i read on People Power Day. I was around 6pm when I grab one of Bo Sanchez book at my cousin’s room and left Pasig. Bo is one of my favorite authors and one of my inspirations. Let me tell you how i met Bo. It was in the December at my cousin’s room in Pasig when I notice a book from her study table with the title “How to Be Really, Really, Really Happy!”. It only took me a few hours to finish the book. I’ll tell you all about it on my next post. Mr Bo Sanchez is a preacher and he starting preaching when he was only 13 years old. He wrote his first book at the age of 20 and he was also a publisher and main writer of KERYGMA, one of the best inspirational magazines in the country. Bo still continues preaching to millions of people around the globe and his books had been on the top ten bestselling books in the Philippines.
As I sat down on my seat, i took the book out of my bag and carefully read the front cover.
Be Free from Enslaving
Habits, Receive Healing
for Past Wounds -
and Start Really Living!
It made me jumpy and excited to go the next page but I still took time to read the back cover of the book and it came with a warning.
WARNING: THIS IS NOT YOUR ORDINARY BO SANCHEZ BOOK
As you turn on the pages, you will read stories of Bo’s FAILURES and HOW HE WAS HEALED. There is this one chapter on Bo’s book that made me wept and the story goes like this.
She was violent.
And been so for many year. Her psychosis was so severe the doctors in this mental hospital gave up treating her. After many years, she grew old in that mental institution.
Everyone gave up on her.
Everyone, that is, except one person: the janitor.
For some reason, he had taken pity on the old woman and wanted to help her.
But he didn’t know how.
By the time, she becomes catatonic. The whole day, she’s just staring at the wall and say nothing. She had locked herself in her own confused world.
But the janitor decides to do what he could. So after mopping floors and wiping windows for eight hours, this kind man would enter her room carrying a chair with him, sit beside her, and stare at the wall with her.
He did this for 30 minutes every day —- 30 minutes of total silence.
One afternoon, after performing this ritual of love for six straight months, he entered her room again carrying his usual chair, sat down beside her and got ready for another quiet 30 minutes.
It was not to be so.
That afternoon, for the first time in years, the old woman talked.
The next day, she talked some more.
After a few months, she was released from the hospital —- a healed woman.
Why was she healed?
Because there was one man who, through his actions, told her, “Listen, lady. I’m going to stay here beside you. I’m never going to leave you. I’ll sit here with you until you get healed”
Bo shared all his failures in life, I was in state of shock when he revealed that he was sexually abused, a sex addict and lust was his drug. But behind those failures there was a willingness to change. He learned that God can build from failures.
It made a lot of sense now. Bo Sanchez had enlightened my heart, soul and mind to have a different perspective in life. I could still remember the day when Angel (not his real name) had ask me if I’m ready to change. I was in denial and just told him that I am but the thing is I was so afraid to hell him and accept the failures I’ve made. Then after reading Bo’s work, something just hit me. CHANGE! It was the moment that I was really sure that all I ever wanted is change.
Bo had hit me with his words in the head pretty hard. I am no longer afraid to face thePAST and don’t wanna run away from it. I am now admitting that i was hurt. What we FEEL can actually HEALand what we don’t feel, we can’t heal. We need to get angry, to feel the hurt and to cry for a life gone wrong. That is why we should allow ourselves to GRIEVE and never be afraid to weep for our failures or our hurts. Never forget to allow ourselves to be deeply loved while revisiting the old truths. Healing never stops because we are broken to be healed and this help us to create the future we desire. Be HONESTfor a change. Getting real is the ultimate step towards healing. Stop blaming others for the failures and start to WORK and LOVE yourself daily. Ask forgivenessand make amends to those we have hurt. Forgive those who have hurt usand forget what they have done. DREAM YOUR FUTURE HOME.
IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE.
It was really a rough week for me, i had so many task at the office and i got so little time to finish them all. Last Monday, i arrived at the office so early that i didn’t even bother going home in Pasig to get my proximity id. Had my lunch at the office and when lunch break was over i started doing my task for the week. I have more than a thousand data cd’s on my list and i have to categorize each type. Our microsoft software makes me insane, the company has different software for Microsoft like; Office, Expression, Visual Studio, MapPoint, Host Integration, Encarta, Commerce Server, SQL Server, BizTalk and etc.
The next day, i started working on my static web page for our Data Library and my supervisor told me that i have to submit my project by Thursday. I’ve completed 30% and still working on it. I was a bit pissed cause there ain’t no way that I could finish my project ahead of time or on my deadline. Shift starts at 12nn until 11pm, I guess your wondering why can’t i finish my project if i have 11 working hours per day? I have two hours of break, lunch time and dinner time so i only work for 9 hours.
On the third day, i was about to give up when my boss kept on telling me that my deadline will be the next day. My world crumbled when my boss wanted me to layout my web page with nested table. What the hell right?, my eyes wear a bit teary when i recalled my class back when i was a freshman. It was a subject that I almost flank because of these nested tables. So I told my boss that I would just use a frameset instead just so i won’t have to deal with the nested tables. But then again, i haven’t started working on my frame tag because I haven’t coded all the necessary data on our web page.
FEBRUARY 24, a day before People Power, it was one of the dreadful day of my life. As soon as i got in the office i went straight on my work tation and tried finishing the data library web page. It was around 5 in the afternoon when i froze like a dead human being because of so much pressure. I then stopped working for a while and tried to loosen up a bit. Unfortunately, i got stuck on one table and i couldn’t come up with a better solution to my data accordingly. After an hour, finally I’ve got the right html codes. Took my dinner at 7:15 in the evening and still I haven’t seen my supervisor around. So it made me think that he won’t be able to check my work. After dinner, we had coffee, it was one of our routine since i started my ojt. As I was about to finish my coffee my boss arrived and gave me the chills. I threw my cup, went upstairs and worked on the web page without saying a word. Sticky notes were scattered on my workstation;
1. DEADLINE ON THURSDAY FEB. 24, 2011
2. NO DISTRACTION FOR THIS PROJECT
and some notes I made for myself when I’m bored. I was hoping that my deadline will be moved when suddenly an agent went in our account and asked my boss for help. Thank God!, my boss told me to stop working for a while cause he’ll be using my workstation to run some test. It was a blessing indeed and my deadline was moved on Tuesday next week.